Perseverance
[pur-suh-veer-uh ns]
noun
-steady persistence in a course of action, a purpose, a state, etc., especially in spite of difficulties, obstacles, or discouragement.-
Whatever word you use to describe it, the ability to continue despite adversity is a powerful skill to have. It can help you succeed at work, lose weight, or earn a degree. It seems like some people are born with this ability; but if you are like me, you need to cultivate it.
Let’s say you’re trying to lose weight. For a few days – a few weeks, even – you are doing all the right things. Eating more vegetables, walking or going to the gym, drinking your water. Then it happens; one day, you just don’t feel like doing it. You sleep in instead of working out in the morning. Then for lunch, they bring in pizza at work. In the evening, you just don’t feel well. You skip your evening walk and watch television. The next morning, you feel tired and run down (probably because of yesterday!), and do the same things. You find it’s easy to fall back into your old habits. Just that simple, your weight loss plan which had been going so well is out the window.
Enemies of perseverance
- Habit
Once you get in the habit of doing something, the momentum of that habit is difficult to break. If your habit is work, fast food for lunch, home, frozen dinner, television, then sleep, you’re going to want to continue that, just out of sheer momentum. Whether or not you are aware of needing to develop better habits, you are used to your current routine.
2. Rationalization
In my mind, rationalization is the worst enemy of perseverance. Some of my “favorites” are a. I worked out yesterday, I can skip today. b. I have too many shows recorded to make dinner today, I need to catch up (I’ve actually used that one) c. My feet hurt d. I need to rest e. I had a hard day at work, I need to treat myself. f. I already blew my diet for the day, forget it. g. I haven’t lost enough weight to make this worth it, I give up.
The difficult thing about rationalization is that some days, the things you tell yourself to avoid developing habits are perfectly valid. Sometimes you should rest. Sometimes you should skip today if you worked out yesterday. It’s like trying to break food addiction; it’s not like you can just quit eating. The trick is to listen to yourself objectively, like you would listen to someone else. If you were accountable for someone else, would you let them get away with what you are saying? If you walked a mile yesterday and your only difficulty today is being a little sore, you should absolutely walk again.
3. Being too hard on yourself
Negative self-talk is a bad habit that is so ingrained in us that it is automatic. My friend Scott said “If you get shot with an arrow, don’t shoot yourself with another arrow.” Meaning that if you make a mistake, or something bad happens, don’t make it worse by beating yourself up about it. Negative self-talk serves absolutely no purpose. It doesn’t help you do better next time, it doesn’t fix the mistake, and it doesn’t help you feel better about yourself. You (hopefully) wouldn’t walk around all day talking to strangers the angry way you talk to yourself, so don’t do it to yourself.
Rather than saying “I didn’t write my paper today! I’m a terrible student, I’m not smart enough to do this. I’m sure everyone in my class is further along than I am”, try “I didn’t write my paper today. I did spend time with my daughter, though, and we both needed that. I’ll take an extra hour tomorrow night and get a good start on it.” This type of talk helps you complete tasks and feel good about yourself. The more you practice positive self-talk, the better your self-esteem.
Allies to perseverance
- Forget about being perfect.
One of my favorite quotes is by John Steinbeck “Now that you don’t have to be perfect, you can be good.” The idea that I had to do everything perfectly stopped me from setting and completing goals for a long, long time. In thinking that I had to be perfect I’d be paralyzed with indecision, doing nothing. Remember that millions of people have earned a degree, have lost weight, have climbed mountains, earned a spot on an Olympic team. If they can do it, you can absolutely do it.
2. Set little goals.
Set tiny goals, but set goals. Whether it’s walking to the mailbox, or swimming 2 laps, you have to begin somewhere. Once you can finish your first goal, make bigger ones. Take small steps. A good friend of mine, Gary, went from 435lbs to 218lbs by taking small steps at a time. When he started, it was all he could do to walk to the end of the block. Once he could do that ok, he walked further down the street, etc.
3. Don’t compare yourself to anyone.
Comparison is not only emotionally damaging, it undermines your progress. I have pain issues, I’m working out for the first time in my life, really, and I also have CFS (chronic fatigue syndrome), so I can’t compare my activity and results with someone 20 years younger than me who is in good physical condition. All that does is make me feel bad about myself. Only compare yourself with your earlier self: “This time last month I could only do one sit-up, but now I can do five. Go me!”
4. Be gentle with yourself.
In physicality, go easy. Start with small weights, short distances, and gentle movements. You aren’t going to make a habit of anything physical if you are literally beating yourself up every day.
Emotionally, make a habit of positive self-talk. Do the best you can, then re-iterate that to yourself when it gets tough. “I only wrote ten pages today, but they are excellent pages. I did the best I could.”
Mentally, focus on one thing at a time. On http://www.rottenecards.com , there’s a card written by user Kathy Risser which says “Men, if you want to know what a woman’s mind feels like, imagine a browser with 2,965 tabs open. All. The. time” As a woman who suffers from Adult Attention Deficit Disorder, I can confirm that this is pretty much what it is like.
You can close some of the browser tabs in your brain by practicing mindfulness. “Mindful” is a pretty popular buzzword, but simply put, mindfulness is doing one thing at a time. Right now, I am writing this post. My phone is put away. My morning chores are done. I’ve made my phone calls for the day. I have all of my resources out, and I’m doing nothing but this.
Some tips to practice being mindful are making lists (if it’s written down, I don’t have to worry about putting a place-holder tab in my mind, and can come back to it later), using an app for your to-do’s, and keeping a clean desk. If items are put in their correct place, they aren’t in view and therefore are less of a distraction.
Here’s a Wikihow on How to practice mindfulness
Ultimately, ask yourself this “Is the feeling I get from quitting, from beating myself up, from doing ten things at once better than the feelings I get from finishing what I started, being gentle with myself, and being mindful?”
The answer is always no.
Steady As We Grow 