A Buddhist monk’s response to the Orlando shooting

by DeDe Parker, blogger, photographer, and a Buddhist Monastic Student

On June 12, 2016, a young man entered a gay bar in Florida and killed 49 people. One week after the shooting, I sat down with Glenn Gustafson, a Buddhist monk, for his response to the shootings, a discussion about the causes of this behaviour, and what we can possibly do in the face of such anger and hatred.

Gustafson, who was a Catholic Seminary student from 1984-1986, began practicing Buddhism in 2010 and was ordained as a monk in 2014. He is the monk in residence at Central Ohio Center for Pragmatic Buddhism in Columbus, Ohio (link below), a gay man, and my teacher for the past seven months.

DeDe: What was your first reaction? Was it as a gay man? As a human, hurting for other humans? Or was it something else?

Glenn: It was as a gay man. I think that’s a natural human way of responding, when it’s a community you identify with. Had it been an attack on a Buddhist temple, I’d have responded as a Buddhist monk. Since it was at a gay bar, my first thought was as a gay man.

DeDe: When things like that happen, and this event specifically, do you find that you still have anger to work through? Or do you find that you’ve progressed to a point in your growth and your studies where you don’t have an anger response?

Anger is useless in situations like this

Glenn: I really didn’t have anger at all at this. A lot of the LGBTQ community is incredibly angry. My response was sadness, both for the victims and the shooter. Sadness that they were victims of a philosophy that, in trying to impose its morality on everyone, led to something like this. Anger is useless in situations like this.

DeDe: I saw a meme once that said “hurt people hurt people” That really spoke to me because I have difficulty being compassionate sometimes; my first response is usually anger. Do you agree with that sentiment? Hurt people hurt people?

Glenn: Yes, definitely, and I think that’s the central Buddhist response to actions like this. It arises from the suffering of the person who caused it, who perpetrated it.

DeDe: Last week in our online forum, I asked my fellow students: When someone commits a crime, as Buddhists we think “what must have been happening in their life, in their heart, that would cause them to take that action?” And it’s all well and good for us to think that way, but how does that translate to some sort of punishment within our judicial system? How do we be compassionate to the perpetrator of a crime and still prevent further action from that person?

“You took something from me, I’m going to take something from you”

Glenn: That to me gets into our entire philosophy of retribution in this country. We don’t imprison people to reform them. I always smile when I hear the name “Mansfield Reformatory” We don’t reform people. We have no concept of reform. Our policy of punishment, our “justice system” is built around retribution. “You took something from me, I’m going to take something from you”.

DeDe: So it’s not justice, it’s revenge.

Glenn: Exactly. There’s a reason that we not only have the highest rate of imprisonment in the industrialized world. We also have the highest rate of recidivism. And it’s because we have NO concept of reformation. There are people in the system who try, but the system itself is going to prevent them. It’s built around retribution.

I was just reading about the new warden at Attica. He’s trying to do away with solitary confinement altogether, because he realizes this is not helping at all. All it’s doing is reinforcing hatred and suffering. And people are saying he’s insane. I say he’s insane if he thinks he’s going to make a change in the US justice system (laughing). But, at least he’s trying. There are people in the justice system who try.

Think of the judges who get called out for imposing unusual sentences. But they are unusual because they are aimed at helping the person reform. Sometimes through shame, but honestly, that’s a big motivator for change. It’s not punishment, it is shaming for reformation. And hey, maybe some of those will work. It sure can’t work any worse than our system of retribution.

DeDe: In a perfect world, what would we do with violent offenders?

Glenn: That is speaking beyond my competency. I can’t speak to that.

DeDe: When we spoke before, you said that you think this is really going to be a watershed moment for the queer community. What do you think that’s going to mean for people outside the community? What sort of change do you foresee happening, in a larger sense?

Glenn: I think for the vast majority of the country that is in the moderate (political) spectrum, it will mean a change in their clinging to their philosophy of “I have the only right view”. I hope it will. I think it will make people look at their own beliefs and say “Wow this is not only good for me, but look how it’s harming other people.” And maybe change those beliefs. At least the part that’s hurting other people.

Hurt people hurt people

DeDe: Why do you think that that this incident specifically will do that when the 300 and some other shootings of children that happened in the past year or so- people going to schools and gunning down little kids- why will this event cause that positive change when those events wouldn’t?

Glenn: Well, this isn’t going to change anything with gun control.

DeDe: I don’t mean that; you were talking about the examination of beliefs-

Glenn: All those other killings were killings of majority citizens, who had no hate directed toward them by society. This was a killing of a sexuality minority who has had constant hate directed at them by society. And I think there will be at least some..will it make a change in the majority of people? No. But I think it will make a change in a good number of people who, every time they hear that type of hatred, will see the faces of those 49 people.

DeDe: What would you say in your role as not only a member of the gay community, but also a representative of the Buddhist community, if you could speak to those people who are super-angry? I don’t mean people who were angry initially, but now are motivated to make positive change, but the people who feel impotently angry. Those who are now just directing that anger and hurt outward. What would you say to them?

Transform your anger into action

Glenn: I would say transform your anger into action; into reaching out to those people who hate you, and showing your humanity. Reach out and get to know the people who speak against you, and show them that you’re human. It’s not going to change all of them, but it will change a few, and hopefully they’ll change a few. And that’s how real change happens.

None of us individually can change the world, but we can change the people around us. And if we isolate ourselves from the people who disagree with us, there’s never going to be any change. Choose your actions wisely. There are those who you are never going to be able to change, and you know that.

The pastors who say (speaking of gay and lesbian people) “line ‘em all up against a wall and shoot them”- Don’t argue with them. It’s not going to do any good. But some of the people who listen to those people – those are the people you can help change.

……………

Since I’ve been studying under Mr. Gustafson, we’ve talked quite a bit in our Sunday morning discussions about how our Order exists within the world, rather than separate from it, cloistered in a monastery. And he makes a great supporting point, when he speaks about getting to know those who hate you. Building walls to peek out from behind only breeds more ignorance, which leads to anger, and we all know what Yoda says about that.

I tend to shake my head in grief and disbelief and say “I just don’t understand what would make someone do that.” And in the case of the shooter, Omar Mateen, his actions may have been motivated in part by self-hatred, as there is some evidence which points to him being gay himself. But shaking your head in disbelief and then moving on doesn’t serve any purpose.

… understand more, so that we may fear less

If our purpose is to prevent events like this, then we mustn’t barricade ourselves behind our self-righteousness and point fingers. Reaching out in compassion, as difficult as that is, is the best first step.

I’m reminded of a great quote by Marie Curie: “Nothing in life is to be feared, it is only to be understood. Now is the time to understand more, so that we may fear less.”

When we reach out with compassion and seek to understand, that gentleness is sometimes returned. Not always, but sometimes.

 

The Central Ohio Center for Pragmatic Buddhism may be found at 1200 W. 5th Ave, Ste 104 Columbus Ohio 43212

 

How To Help Yourself and Keep Chronic Pain From Ruining Your Life

Diagnosis

 

You’ve been diagnosed with chronic pain. Fibromyalgia, Lupus, Sjogrens, Mixed Connective Tissue Disease – the list of conditions that cause widespread pain is miles long. Before your diagnosis, you probably noticed that you don’t sleep well, or have bruises you can’t explain.  Now that you’ve made it through the task of actually getting a diagnosis, some things you hoped would get better won’t. Perhaps your spouse’s playful smack on the butt will hurt for twenty minutes, or every time you drive somewhere, you get back spasms. You’re most likely tired. all. the. time.

No matter how  you got to where you are now, looking for insight on your new normal, welcome. I’ll give you some background on my diagnosis and treatment, and then provide a roadmap to this labyrinth that is treating chronic pain.

A little about me

First, a little bit of my history. I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia is 2010. My chiropractor had speculated for years that I had it, but I would always shut her down with “NO I don’t have that”, even though when she adjusted my lower back, it felt like hammers hitting my bones. I might as well have stuck my fingers in my ears and yelled “LALALALA NOT LISTENING” like a five year old.

When I finally went in to ask about it, my primary doctor poked around on me, asked me some questions, and gave me a prescription for Darvocet. When that was removed from the market, we progressed to Vicodin. Then my symptoms got worse. Fast forward to 2012 when my doctor disappeared suddenly – carpets rolled up, office closed – and I was left to find a new doctor.

The new doctors took me off of Vicodin and prescribed Lyrica. We probably went through twenty different drugs, round after round of doctor-hunting, and finally settled on the team I have now. I am in a somewhat good place with my pain right now, and I’ll tell you what that means and what it doesn’t mean. I hope very much that my experience and mistakes will help you.

Diagnosis

You do not have to accept a diagnosis. Always get a second opinion, and not from another primary care doctor. If your diagnosis is anywhere in the arthritis spectrum, go to a rheumatologist. The doctor should do a full work up including blood work and a physical exam. I know this sounds obvious, but the first doctor I went to didn’t order any blood, nor did he do a physical exam.

Dealing with doctors

This is a tough one, because most people will accept what their doctor says at face value without asking any questions. The number one rule to always keep in your mind is that you are the boss. It’s your body. You have to live in it. You’re the one taking the drugs. Here are some tips for dealing with doctors:

Take a list. Keep a log of your symptoms every day, and take a list when you go see your doctor. I give mine to him when we’re done, and he puts it in my file. It’s easy to forget your symptoms when you’re in the exam room, so this is essential to receiving good care.

Take notes. I suggest keeping a notebook specifically for your appointments and noting what happens during each. You will receive better care if your doctor knows that you are keeping track. Me and my doctor talk about symptoms first, then medications.

Be your own advocate. If the doc prescribes something that you have reservations about, or you’ve tried before, tell them. No one is going to advocate for you, but you.

Ask them if they treat other fibromyalgia patients. Their answer may surprise you.

Ask for referrals. “Is there anyone else you think may be able to help me?” Report back on how any referral appointments went.

Keep a list of questions, and go down the list at each appointment.

Don’t keep going to a doctor who isn’t willing to listen to you. Don’t keep going to a doctor who won’t refer you to others who may help. Don’t keep going to a doctor who gives you opioids with no other treatment options. Doctor shop. People will comparison shop for pants, but not for a good doctor who will work with them.

Mental Health

I once told a doctor “I don’t want to feel better about my pain, I just want it to go away.” While this is absolutely the truth, that’s not how it works. Treating chronic pain is about finding ways to ease the symptoms, not get rid of them. The number one thing you can do to help yourself is to find ways to improve your mood. Suggestions include:

Hobbies. Do something you love every day. Even if it’s just taking a 20 minute bath with a book, treating yourself a little bit each day is essential.

Therapy. Talk therapy and CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy) are both effective ways to help treat pain and depression.

Support. Since chronic pain and depression are close buddies, I cannot stress enough the importance of having friends and family who 1. believe you and 2. are willing to help. Be wary, though, of support groups where everyone complains but no one really talks about positive ways to assist each other. To be clear, saying what your symptoms are and whining are very different.

Say “no.” You can’t do everything. You have to ration your energy, so find your limits on the  amount and type of activity or socializing you are able to do.  Sometimes you have to say no to people, and they’ll have to get over it. Do what you can, pace yourself, and let go of the rest.

Laughing. Laughter is so important! My husband is hilarious, and we laugh every day. This is not only fun, but releases endorphins which help with pain relief. Be silly as often as possible.

Movement

The last thing you want to do when you are hurting is move around, but it is a very important step to feeling better. My husband and I try to walk every day, and some days when I’m lying down and my legs are throbbing to beat the band, I’d rather take a bullet than get up and walk, but I’m always glad I did.

Stretching. There are lots of online stretching videos and resources. Find a good one and stretch every day. When I first started, it took about three months of doing it every night for me to be able to touch my toes. This also releases endorphins and helps relieve pain because your muscles won’t be so tense all of the time.

Gentle movement. Yoga, tai chi, swimming, and biking are all excellent, gentle ways to relieve chronic pain. Find a gentle exercise program and stick with it. Try to learn how to recognize when you should take it easy and when to push yourself.

Sleep

Sleep can be really difficult when you have pain. Make sure your doctor knows the difficulties you are having with sleep. I didn’t realize how bad mine was until I got an exercise tracker that also tracks sleep. It showed that I was awake about 10 times per night, and I was only sleeping about two to three hours per night. Yikes!  You can also video yourself sleeping to see what is going on. Keep working with your doctor, once you get your sleep under control, it will help ease some of your symptoms.

Research

Do your own research. Internet, library, support forums, youtube, there are endless chronic pain resources. Don’t overwhelm yourself, but read what is helping others. Try everything you can that sounds feasible and not like quackery. Of course, beware of anyone saying that for only $500, they can cure you forever, but don’t be afraid to try new things after you’ve done your research.

Last, I can tell you the thing that helped me the most is realizing that my condition is a physical set of symptoms. I used to think that my issues – Fibro, Sjogrens, and Depression – had joined forces and were a sentient being working together to kill me. Some days it certainly feels that way. It isn’t, though. It’s a series of symptoms, and they can be managed.

If you’re still reading this, you’re probably thinking “Holy cow that’s a lot of stuff to do!!”, and it is. But, each step you take toward helping yourself makes a little bit of difference. All of the little steps add up. And sometimes it’s the taking of the step that’s most important for your well-being.

Finding a good place

Being in a good place with your pain doesn’t mean being pain free. For me, it means that I’ve accepted that it’s there. It’s not going away. I have, however, found a treatment that helps quite a bit. Even when I have bad days, there is some good in them. Being in a good place with your pain means knowing that life is good, even when pain is present.

 

 

-Guest editor Liz Bolyard-Mick

Press Start

I am just a person. I am currently 42 years old. I’ve had lots of job changes, relationship issues, abuse problems, and wonderful & terrible things happen in my life. I’m not the best writer, the best singer, the best cook, or the best wife. What I am is a learner.

Since childhood, I’ve been a passionate reader and observer. I try very hard to learn from my mistakes; to grow as a person and to understand others.

I chose to start this blog because listening to others has helped me on my journey to be a more enlightened person, and now I can share my journey in the hopes that it will help someone.

If you are someone who likes to classify, you can mark me as a thinker, a liberal, a feminist equalist, and Buddhist.

Maybe we can learn from each other, here. In this space, I will share some lessons I’ve learned. You can share with me your perspectives.

Steady As We Grow!